Invoking the old gods: Flash Back Friday

I saw this video on CitiFM’s Facebook page and i smhloled so hard.

Only Ghana police can have you screaming on road-side like a crazy person and threatening them with juju.
I know because i have BEEN there before…
Below is the note i posted on my own fb page when it happened.. enjoy 🙂

April 21, 2013

I was driving along on the inner lane of the motorway, when some mouth breathing moron decided it would be an excellent idea to speed up as fast as he could from the outer lane and try to simultaneously over take both myself, and the truck that was in front of him.
Long story short.. all he really succeeded in doing was veering into MY lane, and forcing me to swerve off the road completely and onto the shoulder just to avoid being hit. Of-course, i was going 110kph or something at the time, so yeah. .

I flipped out! I was so angry my head started pounding. After going through a mental list of revenge options, i decided i would follow him to his house, then either mace him in the face, throw a stone into his windscreen, or ram his stupid X5. And i was dead serious.
Problem was, X5 continued to weave in and out of lanes and i simply couldn’t keep up the chase.. but as fate would have it.. i managed to end up at the Tema roundabout about 5 minutes before he did. ( Further proof that trying to Michael Schumacher your way home when there is clearly congestion on the road is just idiocy). I had a moment to calm down, and decided i would attempt to handle things in a reasonably civilized manner.

So i pulled over and walked towards the gaggle of police officers who were stationed at the roundabout directing traffic. I explained what happened, first to a lady officer, who then walked me over to a male officer. I recounted the story again, and he said i should point the car out to him and he would stop it. In the meantime, another driver comes over and tells the officer that he saw the whole thing, and the x5 almost caused a serious accident.
A few minutes later, X5 dude comes into view, so i point the car out and the male officer heads towards it. He says something through the window, hops in, and they pull off the road and park. As i walk towards them, i instinctively pick up a huge stone. Then i hear a voice from behind..( the lady officer, who id forgotten all about)

“Madam, what are you holding a stone for?”.
I ignore her once..then i hear the voice again (closer)
“Madam, where are you going with that?”.
Me: ” Im going over there to decide whether or not to throw it into his window, what else?”
Alarmed, she jumps to block my path, of me, assures me things are being handled, so i should “please exercise patience”.. and wrestles the stone away from me.

By the time i get over to the X5, the male officer and the driver ( a respectable looking older man) are chatting and having a laugh. I frown. The officer asks me to recount my side of events again. I do. Then he says X5 gentleman should also present his version of what went down.

X5 dude ( in a haughty tone): Well, i have been driving for over forty years, both in Europe and in Ghana, and i have never driven recklessly before. I am not aware of any reckless driving today either.
Me: Are you serious right now?
Officer: Please madam, we have allowed you to speak, now allow him to finish also.

Chale!! I was paid dust.. too young, and too female i suppose. So i said  we need to cut this short and head to the station because i am pressing charges regardless. The officer says fine, i should go and retrieve my car, and he will have another officer ( a second lady) go with the X5, and i can follow them to the station.
I go get my car and come back just in time to see X5 dude say something to lady officer 2, and drive off without her. I couldn’t believe it.. or maybe i could. I set off in pursuit but lose him, so i race back to the roundabout.. and straight to that lady.

Turns out he placed a call to some commanding officer, who in turn told the lady to let him go. So i said “after i told you the man almost killed me? I should have just stoned his car like i was planning to do.. but its all good. Just give me his particulars.” She said she didnt take them down, all she knows is that she was to escort him to the station, and then she was told to let him go. Then i said fine, i want the name of the commanding officer. She said she cannot tell me.

So then i get native. Pounding my chest for effect, i say
“I, Fiona Asiedu, am great great (great?) grand daughter of Asiedu Kesse, fetish priest and leader of the Larteh people. So if you are telling me that you will not help me against the man who almost took my life today, then i know where to go to find someone who will. Tell your commanding officer to tell his friend in the X5 that i said im taking him to Akonedi Shrine”. Then i turn and walk off.. and the lady follows me, begging me in the name of Jesus not to do that. ( She apparently is also from that area, and is TERRIFIED of the place)

“Jesus says to forgive! I am a chorister , sister please, please..i am kneeling before you! I dont want trouble! Me and my children!”
I turn and the woman is in literal tears! (Mind you, i’ve barely driven past the shrine, much less gone in lol)

At your door like ” I went and changed into something more comfortable. were saying?” (image source)



In the end, i had to assure Sister Mary ( thats her name, we are buddies that i would instead go to church and thank the Lord that he spared my life.

Man oh man. I say this every day..never a dull moment in GHANA!

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