Ladies and gentlemen, please step in here for a moment.
Id like for us to have a discussion about church. (Dun dun dun!)
When i tell people i dont go to church, it usually goes like this:
Person (concerned): Ey! You don’t go to church? Why? Don’t you believe in God?
Me: Sure i do. Jesus is my HOMIE. But i don’t believe in man, and i feel organized religion-church, is a man made construct, where the emphasis seems to be pastor (or bishop/prophet/anointed shepherd/whatever title they bestow upon themselves) worship, and not God worship. So nah.
At this point, the person backs away slowly, as if i just confessed to having Ebola. Or they decide to take up the task of saving me from damnation. And insist that i accompany them to their church, because this time it will be different.
And so begins the story of how i went to church with my cousin, and ended up spending most of the time in the cafeteria eating meat pie, because i staged a walk out 20 minutes into proceedings. You’re probably saying, “chai! what sort of behavior is that?” lol. But hear me out first.
It started reasonably well. It wasn’t a regular Sunday service, but a special prayer fest, dedicated to a better 2014. So i prayed dutifully; good health for myself and loved ones, career success, clarity, an enriched relationship with God. All wonderful. My brow furrowed slightly when the pastor interrupted to say he’d received a vision. “I see a doooor(ah)! And behind this door, i see a room full of goooold(ah)! That is YOUR blessing(ah)!But, i also see a fat woman!The fat woman is blocking the door! We command her to mooov(ah)! I say moooov(ah)!” Hmmm. But i said ok.. well.. move then heffa, and let me get this gold. LOL
Then there was something about a flaming sword and it all got too Final Fantasy VII, so i started tuning out. After that, the pastor moved into the congregation, where he picked people out, to tell them their personal vision he’d received.
He got to a lady sitting two rows in front of me.
“Madam, stand up. Have you been sick recently? Were you at the hospital? Yes pastor. When you went, what did the doctor say? That you need a blood transfusion? Yes pastor. And you took the transfusion? Yes, i did. When you were in hospital, someone came to visit you..and brought you soup,yes? Eh! Yes pastor. *pastor nods sagely, pauses for effect* The blood transfusion was DEMONIC! I seeee the principalities working(ah)! I see the blood drying up and turning to DUST in your body(ah)! And the soup.. the sooouuup(ah)! It is a catalyst for the demonic interference to go on! But we bind it in JESUS name!”
He lay his hand on her and prayed. And then he did it. This man, looked this woman, who was sick enough to need a blood transfusion, dead in the eyes and said.. “dont go back to the hospital. Pray…. pray.”
DONT. GO. BACK. TO. THE. HOSPITAL. How incredibly, utterly, irresponsible! That’s when i left. I just could not, in good conscience, sit there and watch him tell someone to refuse necessary medical attention because the blood was demonic. And i know if she were to die, they would say that she didnt pray hard enough, so the demons overcame her. Just..NO.
Where did this all go down? Action Chapel. The same Action Chapel that has been in the news this week because Pastor Duncan Williams says prayer can cause the cedi to stabilize. And if you are a nobody,( poor, childless, and unwed..like me.. yaaay!), then you are not allowed to critique him.
By no means am i trying to single Action Chapel out. There are far worse goings-on in churches around the world.
But how does this happen? One minute you are trying to find salvation, and the next, you are chewing grass and getting trampled on, supposedly in the name of Jesus. It frightens me, and saddens me, and ultimately, keeps me parked at home any given Sunday.
I would love to hear from the more spiritually enlightened amongst you. How do we know who is a genuine man of God, and who is a fraud?
Till next time brethren!
Fii!!! Goodness gracious did you have me in stiches (ah)!! We sure hope the heffa blocking you from your gold(ah) has stepped away 🙂
Im glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the comment, and it remains to seen. Right now im not feeling very asantehene rich, but lets give it a minute..lol
I just tell people you know that happy, everything is going to be all right, the sun will come out tomorrow feeling you get from going to church? Well, I get the same or better by not going!
LOL… dear me. Good for you Rob.. even though im sure people think you are a heathen..:D
You are comedic, even in matters that have such gravity. :). This is the sad sate of the delusion of religion. Shunning responsibility and turning family and loved ones against one another. The soup and blood were all evil, so what was the alternative option that God gave her when she was in the hospital? Anyway, love the laughs, gracias.
I try to be cerebral and serious, like the great 80griots, but i aint got it in me..lol.
I call it brainwashing because the symptoms are all the same.
Throwing out our God given gifts of critical analysis, cos pastor said so. Hmm
Thanks for the comment 🙂
I enjoy it here so keep going.. 🙂
Well well well… I recommend the old ways of church worship u know, the hymns/ the word of God/ benediction and the like. There used to be more mingling in the church and so our common problems were shared. If its not tht type of church, please sit home and rest, and remain sane!
Halfco! Thanks for the comment. You are right. I do quite enjoy the solemnity of an anglican/catholic/presby service. No fooling. Its structured. At the same time, those services can feel rigid and impersonal.. sigh. Its hard to find a good balance.
Well of course every sick person gets soup. Even Miss Cleo would’ve guessed that right. smh.
Meanwhile, in Kenya…..
You just made my day! Herh! 😀
I think the first sign of trouble was the name of the church: HELICOPTER OF GOD?
But why? What does that even mean? *tears*
And he has been at this foolery for a while… a fee to touch his clothes, and now to check names? I really wonder if these guys actually believe in God at all.. because if you do, and you are STILL using his name for foolishness, that’s some ballsy stuff..lol
Interesting post Fi but wait ooo i do agree with 80griots, what was the alternative to the blood and soup if they were all contaminated by evil spirits…Isn’t it in the Bible that God reveals to redeem? shouldnt the so called “prophet” have recieved a better direction from God on this woman’s behalf than just asking her to refuse medical attention??? This is really sad, and for some one like me who finds herself in church Sunday after Sunday it really saddens my spirit to see that so called men of God are using His name in vain just to enrich themselves…Love the blog keep them coming:)
And oh on a side note Fi you might want to refrain from calling Duncan Williams Pasor lol he calls himself ArchBishop and do not take lightly to people refering to him as Pastor #imjustsaying# lol
Naana, thanks for the comment! Yes oh.. me naah already i dont have a husband, and now im daring to refer to him as a mere pastor! Trouble! lol
But in all seriousness, it’s terrible. I know faith defies logic, but.. i dont know.
It all feels so wrong, and it shouldnt be this way at all.
Ha! Too Funny! Great Post Ms. Nubian!
This is Godfred BTW! ;). I run a Black Diasporan Health Advocacy group and Blogazine called HealthZulu Check us out http://HealthZulu.com!
Very nice piece Fii. It had me laughing so hard as I could literally picture the scene as it were, I Not to focus on Action chapel again but I stopped attending Jericho Hour( A prayer session they hold on Thursday mornings) as I got tired of stomping on the witches in my Father and Mother’s families., and Binding my enemies ( One Stomp was enough to kill them … Anaaa ? lol) It is quite sad how there are so many churches out there today leading people astray. We have become a people who are always looking to point to others being the source of our troubles rather than examining our own selves.
The bible does say not to forsake the assembly of saints (Heb 10:25) so I don’t believe staying away from church is the right move here. The key is know the word for yourself and to find a good Bible based church that will foster your growth in Christ and keep you on the right path. The church is for so many things that we as Christians cannot do without. So it might take going to a few and praying to God to direct you in finding the Church you are supposed to be in but you will get there.
Thank you Nelly! You had ME laughing at ‘stomping on witches’. Goodness.
You are of course absolutely right.. i am hoping one day soon ill find the perfect service to attend.
My dear Fi. Lovely piece. It saddens me to see what “people” are turning Christianity to while at the same time playing on the desperation of people looking for solutions. That poor woman is probably looking for a solution to her health concern and all I tell her makes it worse. Anyway in the bible somewhere in Matthew it does say that many will perform miracles in my name but When I come I will say I do not know them.
What about the economists in the country working on fixing the cedi? What msg are we sending out?
Thank you Clara! It is painful that the people that are the most indeed tend to be the most victimized as well 😦
I wish i knew what was going on in this place. Im pretty sure i learnt about what affects currencies on the global market in econ 101. But somehow all these phd’s are walking around doing……….
Love it….absolutely spot on…I guess church is like everything else…u have to go through a few to find the right one
Pingback: Desperately Seeking Sanity | Musings at Midnite·